that wasn't the sign i was hoping for.

the grand plan is cancelled.

(untitled)

i feel so hopeless.

i cannot find my groove ... my mojo ... my reason. it's just not there.

i am going to the gym right now, if only because i don't know what else to do.

i need a sign. love save the empty.

i'd like to talk about bees

yes, that's right. i said bees.

i would like to talk about bees.

i was working from home today, at my kitchen table. and i heard a buzz behind me. i was like, sonofabitch, are those black flies back in here again?

NO! IT WAS A FUCKING BEE!

jesus h. christmas. where did a goddamned bee come from at the end of october?

i'm not allergic, just terrified.

so, i went and got the clorox spray. and sprayed the bee. he rolled around and then i whacked him with my flip flop. paper towel ahoy, and bee was in the trash. well, dead bee.

i sit back down.

then i hear another buzz. GODDAMNED MOTHER FUCKER. there was ANOTHER one. and this one was feisty. so i got the clorox again. and sprayed THIS bee. then he came charging at me, so i flip flop pummeled him until he wasn't a bee anymore.

i checked every crack and crevice of the windows to make sure they hadn't invited any more friends to the party. no more spotted.

but i ask you, WHERE DID THE BEES COME FROM?

i'm covered in beeeeees!

Diet Tribe

i am really enjoying this season of diet tribe on lifetime.

last season was just my stop-gap between seasons of the biggest loser, but this season, i feel like i'm really getting into the five friends who are working this season to lose weight.

this show is more realistic than the biggest loser because the people stay in their homes and jobs and try to change their diet and lifestyle gradually, while still living their lives.

they get a little extra assistance from their personal (hot) trainer and a therapist. once again, i've been feeling very similarly to these ladies.

eating to hide other feelings is such a weird situation, but it happens all the time.

anyway, the show is good - check it out.

outdated post with free updates

so i wrote this a little while ago, but blogger wasn't working, so i had to save it with the intention of reposting. then i forgot. so here it is and i'll add some updates down at the bottom.

i just spent an enjoyable 4 minutes listening to adam lambert's first post-idol single. it's a real screamfest. oh, i just love when theatre-trained voices come scampering into the pop world. it's a real joy.

so, where am i today? GREAT question, so glad you asked. i'm sitting in san francisco international aiport (SFO...yes, that's right, i walk around quoting airports by their 3 letter code. go on. quiz me.) drinking a large bottle of water and watching the yankees squander away their lead.

i've been in san francisco since monday for work. it was actually kind of nice to be in one city for 4 days. it's just a shame that it wasn't chicago. you know, where my BED is. i was trying very hard to verbalize it today, but it's the little things that totally throw off my routing when i'm traveling. i'm not sleeping in my bed, using my shampoo, eating my snacks, sitting at my table, watching my tv ... all of these little things make living just a little bit harder.

so, where am i off to? also an excellent question. red eye to new york city.

but wait. weren't you just in new york city LAST weekend?

yes. yes i was. it was a case of extremely poor planning.

see, on friday, ragtime the musical is re-opening on broadway. it is my favorite musical, so naturally i bought tickets for the first preview performance. then, i booked one of my frequent flier flights to see the show. then i got the wedding invitation. so, i booked another frequent flier flight to go to the wedding last weekend. and then my work schedule got layered on top and low and behold, it included a 4 day trip to san francisco.

sometimes i wonder WHY I BOTHER!?

anyway, i really wish that i was horizontal right now, but alas, i'll be upright until i'm on the eastern seaboard. i really wish that i could learn how to sleep on planes. it would make things so much easier.

BUT. at least i am flying jetblue, the airline of my dreams. so, i'll have plenty of legroom and i can watch HGTV to distract me and lull my into a swarm of domestic happiness.

i've been eating like crap this last week. mostly because i was too lazy to find healthy food. i dare you to find something healthy at a free breakfast buffet at a hotel. sausage, hashbrowns and scrambled eggs that look like they have SEEN BETTER DAYS. yeah, you'd eat the bagel too.

but the good news is that i am not traveling anywhere next week, so i am going to drink water and eat fruit and yogurt and go to the gym. and call it a day. well, until i'm back on a plane again to east jahunga. whenever that is. which is probably like, next week.

i'm delirious. have you noticed?

well, at least all of this quality time in airports allows me to catch up on viral videos.

non-sequitur: has anyone noticed that jeter and a-rod kind of look like they are related?

continuing on. oooh, top of the 9th, bases loaded, 2 outs and the yanks are 1 run behind. this is a clutch situation. i hate sports.

oh. i remember what i wanted to talk about. did you catch the episode of 'say yes to the dress' on tlc a couple of weeks ago? there was a girl on there who had lost over 100 lbs and she was shopping for a wedding dress. the girl was DROP DEAD gorgeous and of course the production team had to unearth the photos of her when she was a chubster. she was your stereotypical ugly girl. unfortunate hair, bad choice of clothes and chipmunk cheeks. combine growing up with losing weight and she was a certifiable hottie. i felt so bad for her because her mom couldn't go dress shopping with her and it was OBVIOUS that the girl needed her mom there because her useless girlfriends were so not supportive enough in that extreme of a situation. but, kudos to her bridal consultant because she was doing a pretty good job of keeping the girl in good spirits.

ok, i think that is all i have to say now. the yankees just lost. i still have an hour and change until my flight leaves so i need to distract myself with other things now.

**

right, so i'm actually sitting in jfk airport on a flight back to chicago. shocking, i know. i am going to spend the ENTIRE WEEK in chicago. no traveling. BLESS MY HEART.

on monday i have to pack up my desk in the chicago office. apparently they are making some moves on our floor and they were going to have me move to another cube. but i was like, why should i pack up and move twice if i'm going to be gone soon anyway. so, i'm just going to pack up my stuff and ship it to the new office. most of it is files and stuff that i don't really use on a daily basis anyway, so i should be fine.

i had an excellent weekend in new york city, except for all of the bacon that i ate. but since i'm going to be home this whole week i'm going to buy some healthy groceries and i'll be able to get to the gym. this makes me happy.

and now you're up to date.

dove knows how i feel.

weighing in (ha) on the ralph lauren controversy

back in august, i talked about the travesty that was self magazine photoshopping kelly clarkson to help her look "her personal best". (mmmmmbusllshitmmmm).

what did we learn, kiddies? let the pretty people be pretty.

then our friends at ralph lauren decided they wanted to do a little digital weight loss as well ... on ONE OF THEIR MODELS.

models are anorexic enough. why on this PLANET would you feel the need to digitally remove her waistline too? what the fuck? it was bad enough saying that our size 6-8 kelly was a chubster. now you've got a designer saying their size 0-4 models need to be digitally shaved off.

jesus h. christmas.

the sydney morning herald ran a great side-by-side photo from AP of the CLEARLY altered image next to an unaltered runway photo of the model.

the model, filippa hamilton, has been working for ralph lauren since she was 15, (she's now 23) and claims that RL has fired her for being overweight. the label insists that it was over a contract dispute.

uh, perhaps there's a clause in her contract that says they can fire her if they deem her too flabby?

my thigh is wider than this woman.

i am not proposing that the world suddenly become accepting of obesity and unhealthy bodies, but i really wish that we would stop seeing articles about people who are PERFECTLY HEALTHY, WELL-SHAPED AND WELL TAKEN CARE OF being called overweight, fat and being digitally altered to "look their personal best."

IOAJROIQHER)#HR)(U@R)(@UIR_)#@*$)(#%&_@$*_)!@()_!#(_!@)$U)*Y$%R(*HIOEWHF.

seriously.