and on the first day, we enacted the buddy system

when i joined the J in december, i was given a gift card for a free 3 month membership to give to a friend. i gave it to my friend kel from work, who i have known for about four years now. we were in the same office together in new york city and now we're in the same office together in buffalo. (convenient!)

so, kel picked me up at 6:15 and we went to the gym and got her a membership. we did 1/2 hour on the ellipticals and then we went to the 1 hour body pump class. i am pretty sure i will not be able to lift my arms or legs tomorrow.

it's true what they say: having a buddy there to help you, make you accountable, make you GET there, it makes a difference. i couldn't quit the work-out and leave early: kel drove. in the car, we talked about what we're going to do on tuesday. and wednesday. if we can keep up this energy, keep up the carpooling, we'll really do it. kel's job is similar to mine, she totally understands the travel and the stress, so i can't think of anyone better to go through this with.

i did great with my meal plan today, too. i had my cheerio/kashi mix for breakfast. AM snack was baby carrots and reduced fat cheddar cheese stick. lunch was olive loaf sandwich on whole grain bread and a honeycrisp apple. PM snack was a fage yogurt. second PM snack was a south beach protein bar. dinner after the gym was a chicken breast and a birdseye steam vegetable combo and a diet root beer.

and now? yeah. i'm ready for bed.

2010: the year of change

2009 was the year of action. and well, i mean, there was a lot of action. i just didn't change my body the way i wanted to. the year was full of the most virulent ups and downs i have ever had in my life. i was stranded in a city that i hated, toiling at a job that was getting progressively worse with no human support system (locally) to speak of. all the while traveling all over CREATION for work ... with barely a second to allow myself to breathe. (i flew 50,000 miles domestically on united airlines alone. that doesn't account for all of the other airlines i flew during the year.) i wrote a few manifestos, like this one, that still kind of makes me weepy.

at the risk of making any more big pronouncements that will most certainly fail, i've decided that 2010 is going to be the year of change. and just so you know, i was informed by my friends that we're not allowed to say "two thousand and ten", but rather must refer to the year as "twenty ten." so, read it as such for optimal experiential blog magic.

so, how is 2010 the year of change? i have formed this handy list:

1) new city - buffalo, ny. it is where i was born and bred, but i haven't ever lived here as an adult, and i haven't spent more than a week at a time here in the last 10 years. so, thereby: new city.

2) new apartment. right, so i moved to a new city, so obviously have new digs. still have not sold the condo in chicago. hoping that 2010 brings some new homebuyers into the market. (who are we kidding - no one buys real estate between thanksgiving and new years. everyone is too busy eating and spending money on ridiculous gifts.) so far i can manage the rent on my new place and a mortgage payment, but i have zero dollars going into my savings account/emergency fund, so let's hope nothing bad happens.

3) new position at work. still doing a lot of the same things with a lot of the same people, but there are some new-ish twists to it. my boss has a new boss, so that's always a recipe for spicy adventures. my goal for 2010 is to not let work take over my life. time and travel be damned, if i want to be out the door at 5:00 pm, i will. no more unnecessary overachieving.

4) new diet. or lifestyle. whatever, pick your buzzword. i tried the biggest loser meal plan delivery service for the month of december. EPIC FAIL. i really did not like the food. the portions were designed to help you lose weight and therefore were totally unrealistic. when i spoke to the nutritionist there, she told me it was about 1200 calories a day. that's great ... for someone who is 200 lbs. but, as i've approached 300 pounds, 1200 calories a day is simply not enough. i was ravenous and going bonkers. and also, it was $194 A WEEK. so if i wasn't liking the food and it wasn't filling me, i really could not afford to use it. so, another failed diet to add to the list. anyway, i've decided i'm going to do my own meal planning. i've been through enough classes, dieticians, books, etc. i consider myself a resident D-I-Y expert on the subject, so maybe i should just suck it up and do it myself. i went to wegmans, everyone's favorite upstate new york supermarket, and bought everything i need for 5 dinners and 5 lunches. breakfast will be a rotation of cereals and egg creations.

5) new gym. the jewish community center (henceforth to be known as the J) just spent millions of dollars renovating their cardio and locker areas, and boy is it nice. i joined last week and tomorrow i'm dragging my friend Kel to join too, so I have an accountability buddy for spinning and body pump class.

6) new outlook on the dating scene. yeah, my last few months in chicago i dated a few people here and there. clearly no winners. i have been seeing a guy in buffalo for the last month, but after spending some time with my friends in NYC, i've decided that i need to end it ... uh, because i don't like him. as evidenced by my 'red flag' list that my friend E was about ready to smack me upside the face when i finished listing all of the things i had already discovered bothered me seriously about him. scuba gear. seriously. FML. so while i'm not going to make a big announcement and swear off dating, i'm not actively shopping for the men friends.

7) new goal. i don't have a goal. there. take that. i do have a date though: february 19th. it's a TGP (the grand plan) milestone date that means something to me ... so i am hoping to have less meat on my bones on february 19th, than i do today. here's hoping.

8) and most of all: start posting again. i do like writing about all of my trials and tribulations, and much to my delight, many of you like reading about it. so, i'm sorry that i have been ignoring you out there in the blogosphere ... but i am back in action and hoping for the best. if anything, just hoping to be a little happier in 2010: the year of change.

sonata for online dating: bottom of the barrel

you may have thought that i've been melodramatic in the past when it comes to my stories about online dating. i would like to share with you a little gem that i found in my 'inbox' on an online dating site. i have changed the username to protect the clearly guilty other party. yecch.

I swear to god, I did not edit this in anyway. girls - if you have a nice boy who is nice to you, DO NOT LET HIM GO. cause THAT is what's out there for the rest of us.

Missed Instant Message

Dec. 5, 2009 – 4:44pm

TobyG: Hi, I was wondering if you'd like to watch me shit while on webcam. I like doing it because its taboo

and so finishes another week

so, i have been on the biggest loser meal plan for 2 weeks now, and today i clocked in at 301 - representing a loss of 5 pounds. this is a good, safe rate of loss. AND i'm almost out of the 300s ... never to be seen again (i hope.)

i have spent the whole week unpacking and arranging and reacquainting myself with the fair city of buffalo. i made a shopping trip to wegmans, the greatest supermarket on the face of the earth. i spent a lot of time at target wandering through the aisles and trying not to spend every dollar i've ever earned on things i don't need.

then, and i know you're all going to be shocked, i even found time for a blind date from match.com.

my friend K came over for dinner last night -- my first visitor!! and yes, that is my same friend K from chicago. she and her husband also moved to buffalo. so, the one thing that i truly enjoyed in chicago i got to take along with me!

last night i was sitting on the couch watching the new muppet christmas special on nbc, and my friend D texted me. he was at a bar around the corner. so? i put on my hoodie and walked out my house and met him and my friend S for a drink. i walked! hurray for urban living again! i think that was one of the things that i really hated about chicago. i couldn't walk from my apartment to anywhere. it was great. we had a beer for about 45 minutes and then i walked (walked!) back home did the dishes and went to bed.

i'm still figuring things out in the house ... where to keep the thermostat so that i'm not paying four gagillion dollars, but i'm also not freezing to death, how to deal without a dishwasher (sadness).

anyway, the weekend holds much for me: CLEANING AND SETTING UP THE SPARE ROOM.

(this is not going to be a fun project)

but i am going to try hard. thanks for all of your nice messages, i'm glad to be back in action in the blogosphere.

Chapter 2

today, i open chapter two.

it's my last day/night in chicago. tomorrow the movers are coming to pick up all of my earthly possessions and take them down the 90 to my new apartment in buffalo. observe:

it's a manor. like, it's really called a manor. i'm moving into a manor.

so anyway, here is the update on chapter two of life and the grand plan:

1) i have signed up for the biggest loser meal delivery service (provided by bistro md). it is fresh frozen food. i get 3 meals and 2 snacks for every day. the food is 5000000 times better than any of the other plans i've tried before, like nutrisystem. the food is fresh and delicious and i'm really hoping this works. it takes all of the choice and guesswork out of eating. if you've ever watched ruby on the style network, it's a very similar plan to what she uses. i know that using a food delivery service is not a sustainable way of life forever, but i think it is an excellent way for me to jumpstart my weight-loss program again. it takes some things off the table and gives me some more structure. once i feel comfortable with the routine, i think i will move into making my own meals and snacks.

2) as of tuesday, i live in buffalo. no more chicago. no more depression and no more being alone on my couch every single stupid night.

3) i found a new gym in buffalo near my new apartment that has all new equipment. excited to start a new routine there. also, i'll be able to take the train to work which means i get to do a little walking to and from my house each day ... which will be an instant improvement to my current routine. (house - car - office - car - house) at least now i'll get a couple blocks walk in to and from the train.

4) the mysterious third chapter of the grand plan continues as anticipated. more to come on this later.

i'm trying to decide how to handle weighing in. i like to weigh myself daily, but i know that it leads to obsessive behavior ... but weighing in only once a week won't help me stay motivated.

i am like in serious buckle-down mode. i weighed in this morning at 306. i know that it was just thanksgiving, but that is 7 more lbs than the last time i weighed in ... i don't need that kind of baggage. LITERALLY.

so there you go. i'm back, with a new layout, a new mission and the start of chapter two. hopefully you're all still out there ....

admitting defeat in a way that is productive

thank you to everyone out there in blogland who took the time to comment or send me a message about my last ominous post.

a lot of things have been going on ... many of which have been causing me to think a lot about how it is i live my life.

here's what you need to know:

1) as of december 1st, i'm going to be living in buffalo, ny. so i guess it's chub to chic without a kitschy locale at the end of it.

2) i have to find a new gym

3) i joined the biggest loser meal plan club. it's a designer food delivery service tailored for weight-loss. it's pricey, but i can't do it any other way. the plan includes 7 days worth of breakfasts, lunches and dinners as well as snacks. i know that i can't do something like this for the rest of my life, but i need to get weight of my bones fast before lumpy the left knee just up and quits on me. i need to see success to inspire me and i need no possible way to fail. this plan means i don't have to buy groceries, i don't have to make choices at restaurants. i just have to eat the 5 pre-planned meals for that day.

like i said, i will deal with learning how to make the right choices later. i just don't trust myself and i think admitting that is important.

4) i have a new goal. it's still under the guise of the grand plan, but it's more specific. i want to lose 50 lbs by February. it's aggressive, but it's attainable. i will be under close supervision of professionals, so i will monitor accordingly.

i will be posting more often and i have to re-design the page and maybe pick a new name. any ideas?

thanks for reading.

that wasn't the sign i was hoping for.

the grand plan is cancelled.